last kiss of monsoon

the Monsoon is over according to Bangla calendar. it’s ended a week ago. surprisingly we got a 3 days non-stop rain just before that. I’ve observed this monsoon very closely and carefully. had watched the clouds on daytime and night. were watching the rain drops sitting on my veranda. the clouds don’t rumble in monsoon. it moves fast, reform fast but don’t rumble. even I can’t remember to see any lighting! it’s just rain. rain and storm, monsoon storm. but we got comparatively less rainfall in this monsoon. I didn’t hear any major flood warning from anywhere of Bangladesh.

when it was raining last week, I realized that it’s not gonna happen in this year again. we get rain in almost every season except in short winter. but not this kind of rain. monsoon rain is different. and it was the last kiss of monsoon in this year.

start all over again

“For what it’s worth, it’s never too late, to be whoever you want to be.

There’s no time limit.

Start whenever you want.

You can change or stay the same.

There are no rules to this thing.

You can make the best or the worst of it.

And I hope you make the best of it.

I hope you see things that startle you.

I hope you feel things you never felt before.

I hope you meet people with a different point of view.

I hope you live a life you’re proud of.

And if you find that you’re not,

I hope you have the strength to start all over again”

I got it from the movie “The curious case of Benjamin Button” Benjamin Button wrote those to his daughter. These sentences give me a lot of strength and courage.

Heaven

a very good friend of mine, his father got a cancer. preliminary tests showed existence of cancer in his lungs. my friend went to Dhaka today for advanced tests to be sure about it. yet very few people know about it. even his father doesn’t know. my friend wants to be sure about it first. he told me about this on the day before yesterday. he was hesitating a lot to tell me or not, but he had to tell somebody to share this feeling of pain and sorrow. he doesn’t have a girlfriend and i’m the one of his closest friend in uni. i never saw his father. his hometown located at the west-northern part of Bangladesh where his family live. he is the eldest son of his family. if something happen to his father, he will have to take care of the family. i have tried my best to console him and tried to give him some courage. may Allah help him.

so much pain and suffering in human life, how can we deny to believe in god? without god, where can we rely, who will take care of our pains, where can we find the strength to walk on the road of life that is full of thrones?

17 April, 2011 22:48

Having tough time in uni. bitter exams, disconnected from classmates and as a bonus, distressing long hot days. this situation can goes to be better or worse in upcoming days. Hope i can get rid of it, hope everything will be ok. But one thing is for sure, I need conquer it step by step. I need to be concentrated to the right things, and be aware of every single moments passing by.

pohela boishakh, mobile internet

Trying to do all my internet activities from mobile. Right now typing this in mobile. There are lot of limitations to type on normal mobile keypad then on computer keypad but I have to do it. I get a feeling that in near future, I have to give up using internet from my computer. Perhaps not completely but mostly. I use pre-paid dial up internet in my computer through one of my mobile. speed? 80 – 100 kbps
It’s ‘Pohela Boishakh’ today. New Bangla Year. Holiday. It’s a big festival in this country. First time in many years, I’m staying inside home in Pohela Boishakh all day around.

twinkling stars

Sometimes in very deep night, I stand on my veranda in dark. No noise, except the noise of night insects, sudden loud piercing of an owl or a flying bat. I try to listen the every details of sound around. I look at the sky. Sometime it’s cloudy, sometime it’s full of twinkling stars. Those are past, millions years past. The present condition of those stars could possible to see millions years later. Whenever we look at the stars, we look at the past of this universe. How big the nature itself. I get a shiver feeling. I’m proud of being a part of this amazing nature.

A Failed Day

11:40 am

Needed to wake up early because must had to attended at the department before 10 am. It was very important. But failed terribly.

it’s almost noon but not feeling to eat anything. feeling so disappointed. I’ve been killing my career silently. Leading a lame life. Even I don’t care about myself now. Have not been doing any physical exercises since months (or year). I’m not a six pack but I had a thin and fit energetic body. Losing the sharpness. Don’t shave beard regularly. Don’t feel to take a shower everyday. Don’t like to go anywhere. Sometimes don’t feel to do anything. Don’t going to maternal grandpa house that is 10 minutes walking distance from here. Certainly they are thinking that I don’t care about them anymore. What am I doing in home? doing nothing. Even now sometime don’t feel to eat, or sleep! What the hell happening to me?

Gambling

A croupier was writing about himself in a book,
“He watched their faces as they lost. ‘Hour after hour, night after night. Relentlessly. He questioned the conventional wisdom that gamblers are self-destructive. He had to come to believe that in reality they want to destroy everyone else. Their families, loved ones, everyone. Fuck over the whole world. Without emotion, he watched them go.”

That makes sense that why people gamble. Gambling is not about money at all. It is about not facing the reality, ignoring the odds.

I don’t gamble, I never bet on anything in my life. One of my friend, close friend in Uni, he always bets if someone doesn’t agree with him in something! When we were in the first year, he bet with his 2 roommates that if he can eat 20 boiled eggs in 40 minutes without drinking water or any kind of liquid, those roommates will pay for the eggs and will give him 200 taka. 100 each. He won. I was there at that time after class. It was funny with a lot of excitement. Later they all had a delicious dinner with that 200 taka on the next day hahaha.

World cup cricket going on now. here some young boys bets in cricket matches that who will win. It’s certainly not kind of professional gambling. But it sows the seed of gambling in mind. And someday it becomes an unbreakable addiction.

Is not lottery a kind of gambling? yes I think it is. I don’t buy lottery, I never did. Yes there is a chance, some people will win. But what’s the ? one out of one million? I never heard of anybody become wealthy by winning a lottery.

I promise to myself, I will never gamble and I will never bet on anything in my life.